Most disappointing feeling. [rant]

So some background info:

My boy and i have been together for a year now and its been the rockiest year of my life.

An “on and off” relationship from day one but we always come back to each other.

Before-hand i was helping him with these hopeless crushes thats he thankfully got over with after we started dating.

Present situation:

My boy, he is talking with me about it day and stops by saying “there is something else but youll get mad” now i know when he says that, its means theres a girl involved. Mostly its old crushes. And at this stage in our relationship ive fallin in love and it absolutely hurt to hear about them now.

(Before i could handle it because i still just saw him as a friend, but thats is not the case anymore)

I took that warning and immediately refused to hear more and we spent the rest of the drive in silence. When i got home, we talked more on the phone.... the topic came back up and my curiosity got the better of me. I begged him to tell my what it was and He told me.....

“Im developing a crush on steph again” (steph= an old crush he had)

My heart immediately broke and without making a scene i told him ‘it was ok i trust him’ and the rest of the phone call was Plain.

(Its important to know that.... i just had my last day at school and he still has one more year to go so does steph

Its also important to know that they are both in leadership in our marching band and will have to work closely together next year)

For 1 day i was upset but i broke myself out of it because, 1:i asked him to tell me so i basically did this to myself and 2: he was really trying to spare my feelings.

After that, i go back to my normal self but he still seemed to hold animosity towards the situation. I tell him im okay but now.... he is not okay. After a long discussion he tell me he feels like...

He Cant Trust Me Enough Talk To Anymore. He Dosent Trust Me To Not Get Mad.

What the fuck? I called him out on his bullshit immediately!

He wants us to go back to the days when he could talk about other girls with me and i would be fine with it and help him out with that stuff. Back when we were just friends. I told him that it was bull shit for him to expect me not to be mad that he likes SO MANY other girls and is talking to me about it. It hurts. Mostly because i am so blindly attracted to him that i havent once liked another guy.

That situation has changed alot about how i see our future because i dont want a repeat with the Olivia situation (before he dated me he wanted to try and get with another girl first WHO DIDNT LIKE HIM and i let him... i only saw him as a friend then so i didnt care but i did cry over it.)

So anyways... i may just break up with him when his senior year starts... cause i dont want to deal with that heart ache again.

Its really disappointing when you love someone with all your heart but you have to share their heart with other people. I