How can I encourage boyfriend to stop smoking without nagging?

Question

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 5 years, starting when we were 15 in high school. When we met he was a smoker (I know he was young, both his parents smoked). Apparently he told my parents he liked me and wanted to date me when I wasn’t there and my mom told him I wouldn’t date someone who smoked (which is true). That day he quit smoking and didn’t smoke for almost 2 years. Then when he was 17 he started smoking again but tried to hide it, but I could smell it on him and he ended up admitting to it. 
Because we were at that time in a 2 year relationship and I loved him I didn’t give him any ultimatums. I told him I didn’t like it but that he was free to do what he wanted. But the truth is, it drives me crazy. He’s now more addicted than he was before and is literally a chain smoker. I’m worried about his health and mine being around it, it stinks, any time we go somewhere he has to have multiple cigarette breaks which gets inconvenient. My parents always comment how I smell like an ashtray when I come home from hanging out with him. I want to encourage him to stop without being controlling or nagging but I’m not sure how. He always says he enjoys smoking and will never stop, and living at home with 2 smoking parents makes it even more hard not to. I know in order to stop he will have to want to himself. Does anyone have any tips on how to go about this in the right way?

Answer

You made it clear in the beginning it was a deal breaker. If you dont want to stay with him.because of it that's okay

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He has to want to quit.

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If its a dealbreaker its a dealbreaker..... he wont quit

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No point in nagging, as far as I see, it may only cause more friction over the issue. 
He’ll only change if he wants to, so I guess you have to decide if it’s a deal breaker for you. 
But it depends whether he really wants to quit. My boyfriend used to smoke and it would have been a dealbreaker for me because I can’t stand the smell, and the inconvenience of him constantly popping out for a cigarette. But the difference is that he did want to quit but just found it really hard. He learnt quickly, as someone else said I wouldn’t want to touch or kiss him if he smelt really badly of smoke.

Answer

You can’t make someone quit, unfortunately. You can sit him down and have a conversation about how much you hate it and why and maybe encourage him to get a Juul or something, but you can’t force it. Good luck darling

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He's explicitly told you he likes and it will not stop so there's no "gentle nudging" you can do that will change that. You either accept it or leave.

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Its a very hard habit to break. I only quit because i was sick of smelling like an ashtray and they are flippin expensive. Oh and then i got pregnant lol... You can try buying him the patches or gum and some suckers and sun flower seeds to help curb it. Or a vape could be a good way to ween him off and eventually stop all together.

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I stopped 100% of contact. No kisses, hugs, cuddling, he has to wash his own smoke filled clothes and clean up the porch and yard from ash. I just put a shit ton of work associated with the cigarette. He wants to smoke? He has to do all the work that came with it. Eventually a month later he realized none of the extra work was worth it and got a vaporizer. It’s no nicotine so he quits when he wants but it’s just all about the action of smoking, not the cigarette itself.

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My fiancé was a smoker since the same age, he’s 23 now and I finally got him to quit through vaping.  It’s still irritating and I still worry about his health because of the nicotine and he does it so much but it’s still 100x better than cigarettes and our shit doesn’t reek of smoke.  You could try seeing if he would compromise with that, but honestly I couldn’t stay with a smoker forever either.  It isn’t safe for you or kids and it’s honestly just disgusting

Answer

Unfortunately you can’t make him quit. My husband has tried to quit countless times but my nagging has never been a contributing factor. The final push for him was us trying to get pregnant. He has to make that decision for himself and you have to decide if you can live with it. Sorry, I know how annoying it can be!

How can I encourage boyfriend to stop smoking without nagging?

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