How to learn to just "let go?"

'They' say it's easier said than done.... and it's so damn true.

I've ALWAYS struggled with letting things go, and holding everything in until I eventually burst at the seams. And when I do finally crack, it doesn't come out as tears and sadness, its anger and frustration.

Well lately me, and most the people that are close to me have noticed my constant edginess. Things after things after things have continued to pile on, and it has truly been stressing me TF OUT. All these little and big things have triggered some deep anxiety and depression, and looking back this has been occurring for at least a good year and a half.

For example, our apartment staff is a very fine, articulately, hand picked collection of inconsiderate little self righteous bitches. From a March 2018 to today, they have refused doing their jobs, and persistently insisted on making my life a living hell. We have 2 kids, ages 7 yrs and 19 months, and a service dog. The original apt we moved in to came with downstairs neighbors that had 5 full grown large dogs, 2 puppies and a cat that allowed them to "relieve" themselves on their balcony directly below ours AND NEVER CLEANED ANY OF IT UP. So imagine the incredible stench that would arise in the middle of a good ole southern texas summer. They broke into our truck, broke into our apartment, did drug deals in the parking lot, listened to their music so loud itd shake our surround sound speakers off our walls (at one point, coming within 2inchs of my at-the-time 6 mo. Old sons head,) and would vomit in our entry way after parties every other weekend. The office did nothing but give them "fines" for violating their lease. As per the lease, if you get 3 fines, you get evicted, no exceptions. Well, 7 fines later, they're still living there, making indirect threats to me and my children, and pointing "finger guns" at us every time they saw us. So WE asked to be transferred to a different unit. The office would not budge on waiving any of the same deposits we paid just 3 months prior to get into the original unit. So, 3 days and $1500 later, we move into our current unit. We have water damage and various mold growths in about 70% of the unit. An AC unit that runs us a $300-500 electric bill every month because its constantly leaking, and never reaching the set temperature of 70°. The staff shrugs us off, and literally fights with us about these issues. So currently, our only options are to save up money we dont have, to sue and move. Which ultimately is one option, with multiple steps and costs. Which neither are possible without money, causing us to feel stuck and ultimately doomed.

**damn, this rant and soul searching expedition is becoming longer than I'd originally planned. Sorry about that. If you're still reading, we should be friends. Your patient, and lord knows I've got something to learn from you.**

Anyways, this is just one of the long list of stresses I've been fighting, and holding in frustration from. For the sake of not exhausting you, I wont mention some of the other issues.

But, in the midst of all of this stress, I'm finding that my frustration and anger is festering and seeping from my pores in everything that i do. My husband says i need to just let it go, and continue to do the proactive things I'm doing, but in a more level headed manner. And how tf do I do that!?

I've watched "The Secret" and I've watched that one ex wwe, now motivation speaker dude- Marc or something (?), Tony Robbins and I've read enough self help books to be able to be a motivational speaker myself (given I thatd take me honestly being able to actually say I've overcome my "stresses and triggers to pivotally revolutionize my life for the better.")

So maybe y'all have some advice that these other things couldn't get across to me. I use to be so carefree. Literally, my friends call me "hippie gypsy" as my name because I (use) to just do whatever, say whatever- whenever and be okay. Even then, I'd still hold things in, but I was able to FIND enough escape to not let those clung-to issues pour from my every movement. I just dont k own how to get back to hippie gypsy. She seems like a stranger I saw on some old b-rated crackle movie that I'd watch in my downtime.

I want her charisma, her unforgiving social butterfly attitude and free spirit back.

I feel stuck, dark, doomed and gloomy. Like the heaviest rain cloud is sitting overhead, and I know the storm is about ready to just completely unleash its wrath. If i had to choose, knowing these stresses are still around me, I'd rather be standing in the eye of a tornado, silent, still, and calm, rather than whirling around with the trees, destroyed homes and devastation, completely out of my own control.

**seriously tho, if you made it to this point; the end of my terribly edited, first edition book of boo-hoos.... you're a SAINT gifted to Mother Earth with the sole purpose of teaching patience and compassion because there's no way you'd wanna read this book worthy rant for shits and gigs.**