Pregnant with someone baby but still love my Ex

First here is the story:

I was in a 4 year relationship and had 1 child out of it. When we first met he didn’t want to date because I had 2 older children from a previous marriage. Later he came back and changed his mind. He was nice to my boys and treated them decent but he never really showed love or treated them like his sons.

I start to complaint because after one year I felt like he didn’t show any affection Most women would need and I never heard words of affection like I love you. I miss you. Your beautiful. Etc.

He drink a lot and smoke, and sometimes drink to the point he would leave me places when I was pregnant and forgot I was with him. He also wasn’t very talkative so sometimes I felt alone and he only cared for when we had sex. That was the highlight of the relationship. Soon after that he began to cheat on me , even while I was pregnant. He cheated before my birthday and would pay women to have sex with him or give him oral pleasure. We kept breaking up off and on but was ultimately still together because I started going to therapy to get through my feelings and trying to forgive him. Eventually we gave one year a true shot and it was all going swell until one day I opened his device and saw 12 women he met in a hotel paying for sex. He began to call me crazy because I couldn’t get over it.

I was devastated. How could he do that to our family and our son.

Since then it was a struggle and we split but I still loved him so much but I couldn’t keep doing that to myself. I felt emotionally , sexually and mentally abused. But why did I still love this man for 4 years!

Anyway I met a guy and he was a good friend after 1 month we slept together just once and condom broke but we stopped as soon as we noticed. A few weeks later my ex cane begging me back and swear to change. I was weak for him and loved him so much I gave in and we slept together as usual without protection. Later I found out I was pregnant I thought it was my ex. As time went buy he continue to have sex pills and money In the car and I would freak out and we would fight. He claimed it was all in my head , I don’t know it was a trigger. After we broke up we didn’t get back together for a while and I had the baby at 7 months. We were not together but he still cane around because he thought it was his. We both found out it wasn’t.

So 3 months later I still love him!! I miss him. I think about our family we had. I think about how our son will be affected. I miss cuddling with him even though he didn’t really express himself well. I would still show him my love. The guy I have the baby with I didn’t talk to him, he is some guy who was visiting the country From Europe and I have nothing for him or no how to reach him now.

I feel so lost and heartbroken - I wonder is something wrong with me? Why do I still love him anyway? I keep thinking maybe he loved me but he didn’t know how to show it ?

Oh and he did tell me he seeing someone but it’s not serious because a week ago he wanted to have sex with me. I felt tempted but denied him. He claims he is still single even though he talks to someone. Probably the same deceit he did to me in our relationship. But I love him ....☹️

How do I get through this ????!!