Good Morning/Afternoon,

Happy Fathers Day to everybody's spouses and or loved ones!!

I havent always been the best mother and or wife, but I truly believe I try my best ever day. When my first born was only 1 yr old and me only 16 yrs old my husband got into some legal trouble and was incarcerated for a couple of months. I had no angry or resentment towards him and forgave his actions. After the years went by there was ups and downs lying, sneaking out with friends, drinking, smoking, drugs, etc.

About 5 yrs ago of me being faithful and trustworthy I did the worst thing any women could do. I cheated on my husband. After a long time of talking it out we decided to work it out. Trust has been the most difficult thing to regain back not only from him, but now that I'm 4 months pregnant with my 4th my emotions get the best of me. I have come to hate the weekends because of the fear that my husband will stay out drinking with friends or stay at a friends until morning. I know this all sounds awful.

Last night my husband told me he was going to the store to buy more beer at around 11pm and I texted him 30 minutes later. He then tells me he stopped at a friends house, but would be home soon. Sending text messages to trust him and not think bad of him. Well my emotions got the best of me and I had a full blown anxiety attack. I felt light headed and fell to the ground hitting my head. I called him, texted him, asking for help. He kept telling me to calm down he would be home soon. I ended up telling him if he wouldn't come home then I'd have to drive myself to the Hospital since I dont know if I hit my stomach. He did come home, but was not happy. He drove me to the hospital stayed there, but the whole time was quiet and mad.

Well today is Fathers Day, but it seems like its gonna be another day of the silent treatment. I want to talk to him tell him I'm sorry for not trusting him and having the anxiety attack, but I don't want to upset him anymore. I just feel so alone, because I have nobody to talk to and I cant tell family because they'd tell him something and make things worse. I wish I could be a better wife and give that support my husband longs for, but pregnancy does not make that easy. I just hope that he forgives me.