I felt a whole day of movement and the next day nothing. She really started kicking up a storm for the first time and then it was silence.

I pull my fetal doppler out since there were two days with no movement. Usually I instantly hear her heartbeat but I knew something wasn’t right. I spent 20 min trying to find it when it usually takes instant contact with my belly to hear her beautiful heartbeat.

My husband and I went to the ER yesterday, only to hear no heartbeat on their doppler. The doctors used a poor ultrasound machine and said the baby was in a very weird position. After spending so much time looking on their little screen, they said her heart was beating. They couldn’t tell if it was in proper range or not due to the position she was in. From what I seen, I didn’t really see a heartbeat. My daughter was still.

They call in an actual ultrasound tech with a better machine and she didn’t tell me the results. The same doctor came in from the first ultrasound and said that the ultrasound tech did not see a heartbeat, and to go to my OBGYN tomorrow 9am to get an ultrasound there and then discuss my options with my OB.

Never did I think this could be me. I have heard the stories and have never in my life thought I would lose my child. I have had a 5 week miscarriage years ago, then carried full term with my now 3 year old son.

“What could go wrong?” I would say to myself. “I’ve already had a healthy baby, nothing will go wrong”.

Tomorrow, my husband and I’s lives are about to change forever. I know my baby has passed on. Her room was going to be cherry blossoms and all pink, my very first girl. I already had her wall decals up and all her cloth diapers...

I couldn’t wait to try and cloth diaper! I was going to get my tubes tied after my daughter but my husband does not want me to get my tubes tied if I lose this baby. I think we may be open to the idea of trying one day.

I can’t stop crying since yesterday. I feel I have failed my baby. I can’t help but blame myself. I can’t cope with this and I really feel I am going to need some type of counseling or someone I can just talk to.

Is there any chance my baby can be fine? I’m pretty sure she is gone but is it worth having any sort of hope? Please help me cope. Idk what to do