It's easy for everyone to tell you that it gets better, it takes time but in your mind you cant help but question it.

I was 19 when I found out i was pregnant with my little boy, 20 when I had him and pretty much enjoyed my pregnancy. I had a strict birth plan and after plan.

Unfortunately I had to be induced, 3 days of labour, failed forceps delivery and a failed epidural and then an emergency section. To top it off I got sepsis.

No one prepares you for when things dont go to plan, no one prepares you for what can happen after.

There I was laying in bed, looking at a baby that felt alien to me. It felt as though the baby I carried for 9 months was gone and there was this tiny human in my arms that I felt like it didnt know.

I felt no connection to him. I was scared, exhausted, frightened and in pain and all I wanted to do was run, and keep running.

Everyone said things would get easier, just be patient, but I knew that something was wrong, I didnt want to be alive anymore, I didnt want to be me anymore.

I made the decision to see the doctor and she quickly diagnosed me with PPD, it was hard. It felt like I failed. I felt so guilty.

For months it was difficult, I kept wondering when I would have these overwhelming feelings of love that everyone spoke about.

But you see it doesnt always work like that. I know now that theres no shame in it.

Only now my son is nearing 8 months am I feeling these overwhelming feelings, only now am I starting to feel normal, only now am I enjoying being a mother.

It is hard. It is heartbreaking.

See the doctor. Talk to friends family or support groups. Dont be ashamed to talk because it was only when I started talking that things started getting better.

Dont be afraid to ask for help with the baby, or for someone to cook you a meal, dont feel bad about the mess.

Here's my boy