Please tell me what is wrong with me. I'm 37. I have 2 kids. For as long as I can remember I've had a love hate relationship with food and my body. I am technically not overweight, though I've gained a bit since having kids.

But in high school I often used to make myself throw up after eating. My mom did not know about this. I used to self harm. No one knew about this. Now at this age I have this constant internal battle with myself that I am fat and ugly. I constantly long for food. I constantly try to deprive myself. I constantly think about if my clothes are feeling tighter. I feel so sickened by myself and look in the mirror at myself in disgust all the time. I have anger issues and am emotionally drained and feel like I don't know who I am anymore and that I will never be good enough. I am currently on antidepressants, and if I try to wean myself off then my moods are literally out of control. But I just wanna be able to eat something and enjoy it without feeling guilty or disgusted. What is wrong with me. How do I fix this?