I am 8 weeks pregnant today. I found out the day my period was due because I have suspicions and decided to take a test.

Here is some back story:

I had a miscarriage at 5 weeks December 8th, and a miscarriage at 5+5 January 25th. I was physically and emotionally exhausted so my husband and I decided to take a long break. In May, we had a broken condom and I took Plan B 4 hours after having sex. Well I still ended up pregnant.

My husband gets out of the military next month and we are moving in with family (whole floor to ourselves) to get back on our feet financially and save to buy a house.

I went into this pregnancy like omg I can’t believe this baby beat a condom and a pill, it must be fate. Especially after miscarriages. Never once had any ideas of ending the pregnancy. As time got on, I realized I was less and less excited. I started to feel things like “I’m not ready, I want it just my husband and I, I feel trapped”, etc. my husband could sense I was depressed and was asking me everyday what’s going on. Finally I broke down crying and told him everything and admitted I had been thinking about and researching abortion. He was angry but supportive at first. The next day, he sat me down and said he thought about it and my reasonings are not outlandish. He does not disagree with me, and he supports me 100%. So we went and talked to people, and i have an abortion procedure scheduled a week from now. (We would tell parents it was a miscarriage)

I’m posting here because I keep finding myself feeling guilt. Like I should just stick it out because of the situation. But I also find myself enjoying picturing our future together just the two of us. A baby isn’t a horrible picture, but I get almost like annoyed with the thought of a baby being around.

What did you ask yourself to be sure you were making the right decision? Especially since both are permanent. Things to consider in case I haven’t already? Any advice and input is accepted. Thank you.