Tips on initiating sex????

Question

I’m in a lesbian relationship, and my girlfriend’s sex drive is extremely lower than mine. Our different sex drives makes it hard for me to initiate sex because it feels like every time I try she turns me down (i’ve never been the best at initiating because of anxiety, not to mention her turning me down so many times has made me feel like there’s no point - & honestly it just adds to my anxiety about it). I just want to know if anyone has any helpful tips, i guess????? 
p.s. i’ve tried talking to her about this previously & she just ends up thinking she’s not good enough for me (which isn’t the case at all. yes it’s hard having diff sex drives but i still love her regardless).

Answer

I think your best move here is to encourage  her to explore her own sensual being (self touch, massage and scented oils). A low sex drive can mean a lot of things, but one of the best ways to discover the real meaning behind it to start in the body/mind/heart connection. What does her self-talk sound like? Is she in love with her body, her sensuality? Has she lost connection with her self? I would recommend looking into yoni massage, also, on your end finding ways to strengthen intimacy and trust. Now, granted you have desires of your own, and I know that can be difficult to separate (and it’s hard not to take it personally), but for someone who doesn’t feel sensually connected, knowing their lost connection is hurting someone else layers on guilt and shame which separates you two further. Relationships ebb and flow, it is more a reflection of her relationship with herself/sex than it is of you. To help her you need to accept it isn’t you. Little reminders of how loved she is, without pressure of sex like casual touching (during cooking) massaging (feet, legs during Netflix) even hair brushing! I am in a similar situation as your girlfriend, and I can tell you it’s a long process of self discovery. Even after 12 years of sexual exploits, I’m still learning. Ask questions that engage without pressure and don’t necessarily point towards sex like “Can I do anything for you, for your body?” are good ways to open conversation without unintentionally placing blame. Be patient and understanding. Sounds like you’ve found human connection that’s meaningful and it takes work! We all have so many layers and you’ve found one that needs extra attention, don’t shy away or get lost in self doubt! 
I hope this helped, or maybe simply showed a reflection of your struggle in others. We all go through one thing or another together. 
-Cu

Answer

Try going on a date night a couple times a month. It can help a lot because you guys will have something to look forward to that you can do together, whether its dinner and a movie or going for a walk and picnic on the beach or in the park, taking a type of recreational class together like painting, pottery, rock climbing, kayaking, ect. And it will help you guys communicate and work as a team, potentially sparking something to remind yall why you chose to be together and fell in live with each other. Also regularly saying/texting things like "hey beautiful, hope you're having a good day" "I'm thinking about you and it's making me smile" and "I love you" helps. Talking about each others day helps. 
Intimacy requires more than two bodies. It's two bodies, two hearts, two minds, merging together as one. Sex drive is affected by so many things, mental health is a big one. When you're happier, you're more prone to want to be intimate. Also if this issue persists and seems to be caused by hormonal/psychological issues, maybe propose that you two go talk to a professional because there might be some biochemical or psychological things that are disrupting your intimacy. 
Also reading books about relationships can help enlighten you two to other ways that you can spark things up. 
Best of luck ❤

Tips on initiating sex????

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