Would love to get some advise ladies.

I have been on and off with a guy for four years. When we first meet he wasn’t in a very good place dealing with addictions and trying to over come his issues of dealing with his rough past.

He would treat me like a absolute princess one moment then turn 360, shut down and not care about my emotions at all the next min. When we are good we are amazing but when we are bad we are not very nice emotionally towards each other

I feel like he loves me deeply but doesn’t know how to deal with those emotions and keeps stuffing things up by either lying about things or self sabotaging us by doing stupid things like see another girl to make me run so he doesn’t have to.

We connect amazingly in the bedroom but feel like he has never been there for me on a emotional level. I suffer with Anxiety big time about us and what he has done in the past and instead of help me with that he will say words that will trigger a attack instead. I keep getting hurt but I believe he does too but he would never show that to me.

He runs whenever it gets too hard but then always comes back saying he is sorry and wish he never left. Tells me he wants marriage and a family with me but just is scared and keeps self sabotaging our relationship. He always says he is unsure because we fight all the time. I’m so unsure also but I can’t shake this love I have for him off.

I have also stuffed it up once with my anxiety when we were in a fully committed relationship and I could see how much he loved me but I pushed and pushed and don’t know why :( so now I feel like he is also protecting himself from getting hurt and has walls up big time.

How do I deal with a man that I love so dearly but he is shut off emotionally and keeps running? What do I do? How do I connect with him again on a more emotional level?