Raw, emotional, real life
Tonight, my husband went to bed. I had emotion building and building all week. On Sunday, I just found out we are expecting baby #2/ our rainbow baby 🌈🌈🤞🏻It has been an emotional roller coaster ride for me. I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw the positive test. I became obsessed with checking all day long and just looking at them over and over again because I didn’t know what to do, how to feel, etc. I was so scared, nervous, excited, and even more than I can describe. This photo has both of my babies it in. The one who left us too soon, before we even got to meet her and her sibling who we are beyond excited to grow and love in this journey. I sat with the box of my first burns ashes, pictures, ultrasounds, memory box, and my new baby’s positive results and I just cried my eyes out. I think after such a tragic loss in February I am at a loss with how to feel. So I’m just letting myself feel whatever way I need. Tonight was the first night I cried about everything. My best friend said to me on Sunday, I’m surprised you’re not crying your eyes out right now. It was the shock. I finally am able to let it out. I am so happy that we have been blessed with this next baby, but I am praying each and every day. It is so difficult to not think about what if, I find myself obsessing over ridiculous stuff and I just want to let it go. I want to enjoy myself, this baby, and my husband during this exciting time. Sometimes I feel like the excitement has a dark cloud over it at moments, but I am trying to remain positive. I just needed to share my story to release my thoughts.