I am writing this anonymously because I feel like I will be judged...

I have a 16 month old baby boy, he is my absolute world. I love him more than life itself. When I was pregnant with him, I was instantly connected to him. I talked to him every night in my belly from 4 weeks til I gave birth. I dreamed about him all the time. I even had one dream (before I knew he was a boy) that there was this little boy with me and I had felt SO connected to him in this dream, I felt the overwhelming need to protect him and never let him go. I knew as soon as I woke up that that was my baby talking to me and that he was a boy. I was SO excited my entire pregnancy, I had everything planned out.

I am now 13 weeks pregnant with my second and I just don’t feel the same connection or excitement at all. What’s worse is that we prayed and tried for this baby, I begged god for this baby every single night. I am thrilled to be having another baby, it is a dream come true but why don’t I feel that same connection and excitement that I had with my son?! It makes me feel absolutely AWFUL! I feel like such a bad mom. I never dreamt of this baby, me and my bf haven’t started any planning whatsoever, we haven’t talked about names, we don’t plan on having a gender reveal or baby shower... it just doesn’t feel the same. I know without a doubt in my mind that I will love my child with my entire heart, I’m just confused as to why I don’t feel that connection right now. Is it because I’m a tired mom of a toddler? Is it because this is my second pregnancy and it’s not as “new and exciting” as the first?!

What is wrong with me?! I Has anyone been through this?

I must add: PLEASE don’t take this the wrong way. I am SO blessed and grateful for this child. I love this baby and I can’t wait to meet him/her. I AM excited!! It just feels different. I know there are plenty of mommas here that are struggling to conceive and they may think I’m an asshole for writing this post but it’s just how I feel, I wish I didn’t feel this way and I hate it. For those ladies trying to conceive, I pray you get your little miracle and I pray my post doesn’t offend you.

Does anyone know the (self pay) cost for blood gender test?