Messy Break Ups

Idk wtf im doing guys or what to do moving forward but I just have to start from the beginning. Okay so it all started with this guy from NY who I originally met in San Diego who moved out there to get out his parents house and same for me but I am from SD. Anyways we got along great, sex great, we’re together for 3 years total it ended about 2 years ago. I never really wanted to end things but I guess events leading up to us parting ways was a couple things. First he moved back to NY so long distance was hard, Second trust was broken so it became somewhat toxic, and lastly he and kept pushing his move back date to CA longer and longer. I eventually just stopped trusting his word and he asked me to take a break and I got insecure.... I went to a couple parties during the break and I met this other guy who made me feel so special and always treated me right a guy you could always trust to never cheat on you. I thought I was out of love with guy #1 but in reality I was not. I went on to keep the break permanent with guy #1 thinking it would teach him some sick lesson but it just got messy. Guy #2 asked me to marry him 6 months later.... and I said yes. Thinking I would prove to myself I could move on and just move forward. I realized I did things out of the wrong intent and moved to fast. So I cheated on guy #2 aka my current husband and now I’m dating a guy I met on a biz trip. Guy #3 lived in Texas and now made his way to Cali to live closer to family, friends, and mostly me.. He is head over heals attached to me and mind you I’m not even over Guy #1 at this point at all. We still talk all the time like best friends.... but he’s where it’s messy. I have been returning stuff to my current/separated husband and I almost miss him too. Should I try to make it work. Even tho the guy I’m dating now is great.... nice enough, cute, great in bed, money.... how can I possibly want to have relations with 3 different guys at once. They all mean something different to me... #1 feels like my best friend/ other half. #2 is an awesome guy and is my husband who I feel guilty not being as committed to make it work. #3 Is the most giving, patient man I’ve ever met he deals with all my old guy baggage and knows every detail of this story... But the main problem is they all want me to themselves.. which I want too but how do I love all of them... What tf is wrong with me? Do I get back with my husband because it’s right? Do I follow a huge desire to go back to my ex #1 and MAKE things right because things were never that bad we just were long distant and it sucked?? Or should I say fuck them both and be with the guy I cheated on my husband with because he’s got his shit together and I can’t complain about anything he does really??? Or should I just be alone. HELP