I haven't necessarily dealt with postpartum depression, at least not to a degree that many mom's deal with. But I'm feeling messed up lately or more so that I'm messing up.

Here's the current state of of things for me. I've been drinking lot, never to the point of not being able to take care of things but I just feel like like I need something to keep the edge off while I'm handling stuff. Thats just one of my issues. Today my issue is that I need a day, just a day to myself, to collect my head, get some rest, just general self care. I called in out of work (they're pissed) which is making this harder. My MIL was already supposed to babysit (she absolutely loves it) so I just let her pick up my daughter like planned. And now I feel guilty. I feel like I'm letting my family down by not taking my work day. I feel like I'm letting my daughter down by not spending every second with her, which I already feel bad about when I do work, but it's worse when I'm not doing anything at all. She's only 3 months and I know she won't remember this one day, but I feel like a terrible mom for needing this time to myself. I'm just feeling like I'm letting everyone down. Here's my little girl, just because I love showing off her beautiful face.