After almost 6 months of hiding my feelings, screaming for no reason, uncontrollable thoughts.. crying for weeks and sadly harmful thoughts about myself. I woke up this morning with the willpower to call my doctor.. Even though the shame of not calling them sooner choked me up over the phone call and I cried like a baby I have my appointment at 2 this afternoon. I'm hoping I will get better. I want to connect with my baby. I want to make actual love the man I been in love with for years. I want to smile again and mean it. I want to not worry about everything. I just want to be happy.