I'm currently 38 weeks pregnant with my first child. This will be the first grandchild for my parents and my partner's as well. My mother and I don't have the best relationship. She's an expert manipulator and extremely emotionally abusive. Well yesterday she texted me asking if I had the baby yet. Mind you, I've been keeping her updated on my entire pregnancy even though we don't really get along and we've already had the conversation of how she was coming up to our town after we tell her the baby is coming. Multiple times.

I told her I didn't have the baby yet and she's knows I didn't bc I would've told her. She then says well I know you don't like your mother so I thought I'd check. She does this often too. She picks fights by implying things that I don't actually say or think. I told her that wasn't the case and if she got to know me she wouldn't think that. She then goes on to ask when do I want her to come up to see the baby like we didn't have that conversation already and establish the plan.

She said everyone's confused about when to come up which was lie number one. My aunt and I already spoke on the phone about what hotel she was going to be staying in when she and my grandparents come up and she gave me a date. I informed my mother of this and told her to come whenever she liked but that I thought we had already been through this. Then I told her please not to tell other people not to come up because she's confused about what she wants to do.

So she snaps on me and calls me rude and an embarrassment and says that I've been awful to my family since I got pregnant because when we announced we were expecting my aunt showed me a pic of a stroller she was looking at and me and my partner told her we were waiting until we know the gender before we even start thinking about what we need or want. Reasonable we thought. My aunt didn't seem to have any hard feelings. And we've been very modest putting only 5 items on our registry (the big important necessities like crib, mattress and car seat) and we thought that would give people more freedom so they don't feel like they HAVE to buy things off the registry bc there were so many other things we'd need or want. We also said that we didn't need a baby shower bc we'd have to do it after the baby came and we didn't want people to feel like they had to buy us more than one gift or spend money on a party we'd all be too tired to really stay long for.

I couldn't hold my tongue anymore and called her out on these absolute lies she fabricated in her head. And then of course she started gaslighting saying she loved me even though I was tripping. That she has no idea what she did to deserve such hatred, that I've made her cry twice today. And remember all I did was tell her she was lying about these things she felt happened that actually didn't happen. That one conversation with my aunt somehow equated to me being awful to my entire family.

So I told her if she honestly felt that way then to not come. My fiancé who normally doesn't bat an eye at my mother's abuse fully supports me on this after seeing me spend the better part of the day in a suicidal depression. My mother then reached out to my dad (they're separated) whom I have a pretty good relationship with, all things considered. She started playing the victim and wants me to apologize to her.

Bottom line is that's not happening and me and my partner have decided that we deserve to be able to enjoy the birth of our first child. He already made it clear he didn't feel comfortable at all leaving our daughter in my mom's care for extended periods of time which I second. We were concerned that she'd do this at the hospital. My sister on the other hand thinks that I should invite her because it would hurt my Nana to exclude my mom.

Honestly I'm afraid of the backlash my family will dole out but my mother started fights with my sister at my college graduation dinner. I left early. She will do anything to make the day about her and will probably try to get under my skin. After 20+ years of her abuse which still continues to this day I want to put my foot down. My dad thinks it's the wrong approach and even he knows how crazy she is. Am I wrong to uninvite her?