This is a long one, but bear with me.....

So my boyfriend and I have known eachother for 16 years, on and off friends with benefits. If I got in a relationship, I wouldn't see him. I got married and didn't see him for a few years. After I separated- back to him. He has always been a constant in my life. But I knew he was never ready for a relationship that whole time. So I never pressed it. Cut to our early 30s and we have the talk and decide to be together. I was still married- divorce was in process. After a month- we moved in together. After 2 months decided to try to have our miracle child. I did fertility treatments with my ex for a year and never worked- boyfriend and I get pregnant the second try. Our life is literally beautiful. So glad I didn't try it sooner with him, I feel our younger selves would have ruined this future.

So here comes the bad. I have dreams infrequently but they tend to tell me things. The other night I felt the letter D was a distraction. I looked at his Instagram messages and a message to a Diane was in there from 2 days after we made the choice to be together. They apparently danced at a wedding together that night and he was asking her to get to know her better. She declined. I confronted him the next morning and he described typical childish male bullshit. She's been a family friend for years. He always had a crush on her, shes small and cute. He felt like maybe he was supposed to be with her. Maybe that's what God was saying.

I understand. I really do understand how that could be distracting. A big ego boost. It was only 2 days in. Nothing else has ever happened. He's 100% committed now. He was just uncertain in the beginning after all the years we fucked around.

But it still hurts.

Should I be upset or forgive at this point? He is literally the love of my life. It's always been him. I don't doubt him at all, but man, being pregnant makes your emotions all over the place.