I’m a teenager and all my life I’ve pretty much been told that college is the only way to be happy and actually live a life. Now that I’m older I know that it’s not but I feel if I don’t go I’ll die. That’s my mentality on the subject: if I don’t go you fail at life, fall deep into debt, become depressed because of your life, and commit uninstall life. That’s the way I think. I know it’s wrong but I can’t change it. For a while now I haven’t been sure of what I want to do for a living so I could study for it. And just a few minutes ago I had told my parents I wasn’t even sure if I wanted to go to college or not anymore. I was always told I should. But I know college isn’t for everyone and my teachers and mentors say it’s okay if I don’t go. But I know that they, and my parents who have never been helpful on the subject, would be livid if I didn’t go. I already hate the stress of high school and the early college program I’m in. I don’t want more.

My mom always suggests(more like pushes me) to pursue drawing as a career. It makes me all the more upset since I don’t want to and never have wanted to. I don’t want to pursue a career in a hobby because I know I’ll end up hating it.

It’s all so much in such a large time span I could never fully write it out here. I just don’t want to think of it ever again. I’m still just a kid. I want to have fun with my groused discover new things about myself and the world on my own time and at my own pace. Not stress over college and my permanent career and my retirement. I want to be a kid and not an adult right now. All I want is to live and have fun like a teenager is supposed to, not stress to the point of anxiety attacks or to where it makes me have break downs. I get those enough during school. It’s my summer break and I don’t want to think of it.

I just want to be a kid.