I dated this guy for about a year and I told him I loved him but he said he couldn’t say it back. It ate away at me and we broke up, even though I know he does or at least did but has commitment issues.

It’s been about a year, for about six months we did the break up sex turns to friends with benefits. He was and still sort of is my best friend. We were friends before we even started dating. But I still love him so so much. He’s changed a lot and at first I thought finally I’m seeing him for who he truly is maybe I’ll fall out of love finally and I did for a while or so I thought. But I was just angry because he had some issues that he wasn’t dealing with and was working/studying every hour of every day to the point where for the last year almost I’ve only been able to see him once or so a month. The space has given me perspective and as soon as I thought it’s over I’m done with him.

He surprised me at my graduation ceremony. We’re the same age but I got held back a year so he started college downtown, an hour drive away. I didn’t give him any notice until I texted him that morning about how boring practice was. I had surprised him the year before while we were still together. It stirred up all of my old emotions, I saw him and my heart skipped a beat, it was like no time had passed at all.

That was about a month ago and for the last two weeks I’ve been trying to text him, I’ve snapchatted memes, sent him dorky YouTube videos on Facebook. We even have this thing where when we know we haven’t talked in a while, are having a stupid fight or are just bored we’ll send each other a pool game request. He’s only left me on read though.

I really don’t know what to do. I really can’t help but think he’s the one for me, I mean he’s not my first love but I’ve never met someone and thought wow I can’t picture a future without you. Even now I see myself graduating college and is reconnecting and getting married or something..

Update: after posting this on multiple things i decided to block him.. he saw it right away and tried to message me on a different platform but i didn’t read it just hit block. It hurt a lot more than i thought it would