I shouldn’t be sad going through my oldest sons clothes, thinking about this son wearing them. Thinking of how cute this baby is going to look in his outfits. Setting up his room, because let’s face it I have 2 months left and I’m so anxious.

I just shouldn’t be sad about trying to do stuff for my unborn son, but I am because I miss my oldest. Because he shouldn’t have died and I shouldn’t have to mourn him. Because I shouldn’t be sitting here thinking about what he wore when he was alive is sacred.

I should be like any other mom just passing down clothes, but I can’t because I’m not like every other mom. I can’t just miss him being young, I have to miss him. I have to say dream of who he would have become instead of who he is becoming.