I left my ex boyfriend and of January this year. We were together for 2,5 years but he never showed his love for me the way I wanted to. Talking about wanting a baby with him pushed him even further away. So I left him, but I still loved him so much. But there was no future this way, even though he was my dream man. The talk when I broke up with him was hard. He cried and he said I was right in everything, that he was just so insecure and that why he put up his walls so high. But at that point I was so sure I wanted to leave him and have my own life.

I met a man at my work, a colleague. Who was 10 years older and was the opposite of my ex: sweet, caring, nice and gave me the attention I needed. I fell in love quickly when he texted means through Facebook after he found out I was single again and we started dating and seeing each other. But then I found out after 2 months last March I was pregnant with his child even though we used condoms.

It scared me because I insisted on having my own place and live on my own. I wanted to go on a vacation on my own. Just an all inclusive resort with nice weather and my books. And the hormones changed my feelings a lot. He's still te sweetest and most caring man I could ever wish for but my thoughts go back to my ex more and more. That I wished this child I'm carrying was his, that i would have never left him and that i want him back.. I'm idealizing him in my mind thinking that even though he wasn't the best boyfriend, he was a great guy. Very spontaneous and funny.

Now I am 18+3 weeks pregnant and I feel like I don't want to be pregnant anymore. I don't feel as in love with the new guy as I was before I got pregnant and I think of my ex more and more and I think I even still love him.

The past half year just went by so quickly and not the way I wanted it to be. I didn't had a change to get over my ex, to live on my own, to do the thing I want to do because I'm pregnant now and I feel so locked up and even unhappier than I was with my ex..

I don't know what to do anymore..