Well it’s been awhile since I can post anything without crying.

I had my D&C on May 8th. This was my 2nd miscarriage with my fiancé. A year apart almost to the day we have lost our children.

We did something that most of our family and friends don’t understand, we sent our baby for genetic testing. We found out the results. It was devastating to hear but it gave me closure. 1) out baby was a girl. We named her Phoenix Angel. She has no grave for us to visit but we will carry her with us always. We decided even though we will never know if our 1st child together was a boy or girl, we named that child Baby Angel. 2) we learned that Phoenix Angel had an extra chromosome 22 and it’s not usually compatible with life.

While knowing doesn’t make it any easier, it does make it easier to accept. We love our children who we have lost but will figure out a way to honor them soon. Plus we have an 11 yr old to continue to raise. (My son from a previous marriage.)

My fiancé loves him as his own and it’s even greater that all 4 of us are family. Yes my ex and Fiancé get along great. My ex husband grieves with us. He said that he wanted this baby for us because it would complete the family. My son only wanted to be a big brother and we explained that he is, just not the way he expected.

While friends and other family may not understand what we are going through. We do.