relationship help

i just got into a fight with my husband and need to vent. this turned out to be longer than i thought. thanks if you read all of it.

today was my 6 week check up after having my daughter.

he’s been anxiously waiting for this, because sex.

which i understand - he has always had a bigger sex drive than me.

during my last trimester, i had little to no sex drive. so to say it’s been a while. is an understatement.

he was telling me how he feels like i don’t care about not being intimate, that i’m lying to him and didn’t tell him about my appointment on purpose.

case in point he was asleep with our daughter when i got back from my appointment. so i did dishes and tried to clean while they were sleeping.

when he wakes up he’s mad at he cause i didn’t call to tell him i was on my way home - which i did but there was a misunderstanding.

anyways, it wasn’t intentional but i didn’t tell him til he asked about my appointment.

i told him everything healed nicely, that i’ll need to start birth control pills since my doctor recommends waiting 1 year to get pregnant again and i might have another UTI.

so because i didn’t wake him up to tell him about my appointment and the birth control, im hiding this from him.

so then this turns into another discussion that it’s gonna be longer until we can have sex and it’s no big deal to me. i want to be intimate but my body is out of whack right now.

then he tells me that eventually he’ll get tired of not being intimate and he’s not gonna have that.

so i made the dumb mistake of saying “so you’ll go and cheat on me” which in hindsight wasn’t the best thing to say. he’s never cheated on me and i trust him 100% - it’s my insecurities talking.

it was what he said and how he said it.

i dont feel like myself, my body is different after having my daughter.

he tells me all the time that he loves me and i’m beautiful and sexy but because I don’t feel it, i have a hard time seeing me the way he sees me.

i’m trying to get him to understand but he doesn’t want to see my point of view - he says he’s never done anything to make me feel insecure and this is my issue.

yes it’s my issue and i don’t know how to work through it.

i wish i didn’t feel like this. i never used to be this way, but after having my daughter - the way i see myself, has changed and idk how to take that.

thank you for reading if you got this far.