So I figured out that my boyfriend it's not know what inside it is. I mean, he is like fairly ignorant to what it is. For those of you who suffer from anxiety, you already do what I go through. However, everyone doesn't understand. So just to give a back story, in 2008 my sister passed away suddenly, in 2012 my father passed away suddenly after being told he'd be coming home after a mild heart attack, in 2013 oh, my mother passed away from a rare cancer she didn't know she had, finally in 2018 my other sister passed away from a rare fibroid cancer she didn't know that she had. Facts about sister passed away, I didn't know how to feel I was numb... I think I've been numb for years. But one thing always stood I can't stay focused. I have a phobia of driving on the highway. I will drive any other day of the week anywhere besides getting on the interstate or any type of bypass.

So my boyfriend likes to drink. He is also going through his own grief his brother just died on June 1st, but no offense but that's no excuse because he was drinking like that before his brother died..., So driving hour and a half out that where we live at, so that I can attend one of my friend's bachelorette party. He ends up coming and getting me from the party and he has been drinking and tells me that he needs me to drive. Now I want to remind you that it is already dark outside so driving at night and on the highway was very scary for me. My heart was racing so fast that it felt like it would jump out of my chest I can feel the blood coursing through my veins as I set up so close in my seat that my chest was almost touching the steering wheel because I was so terrified... Even though I only throw for 10 minutes on the highway oh, it was so scary. But I literally so accomplished what like I arrived at my destination.

my boyfriend starts literally talking shit saying things like, "what did I get myself into dealing with a woman who can't drive on the highway. I mean, you just went through a whole miscarriage 2 months ago and you lost all these people in your family." He asked, "Why is it so hard for you to drive on the highway"...then he told me once he got his car fixed he knew he needed make sure I got out more and got rid of my cats was clearly I am a hermit crab and I don't like to go anywhere...I could go in real hard on him right now but I'm not going to do that, all I can say is that he was very intensive and it really pissed me off and also hurt my feelings. I just could not believe that he would taught me that way and then he even continued to do it saying things like, "you want to go out tonight I don't want you to be anxious." Like he truly setting I made a joke of it. Me, being the person I am, I cursed him out and told him he was insensitive and how dare he needs! If he didn't understand anxiety maybe he needed to ask. And I told him that his biggest problem in his most dominant weakness with the fact that he had no listening skills whatsoever he just didn't know when to shut the fuk up.