Venting

Hiya, i’m just here to vent because i don’t have anywhere else to get rid of this overwhelming amount of emotion, and i can just feel it bubbling out through my eyes.

so basically, me and my friend (we’ll call her A) are VERY close. we met at college 2 years ago and since then we’ve been basically inseparable! whenever we are feeling low, we talk it out until we’re feeling better. i helped her through heartbreak, and she helped me through weight issues and anxiety and the death of my nanny etc. we are still such good friends, but recently she’s been really touchy and it’s been getting on my nerves.

a bit about my friend, she has quite severe mental health issues, and i’d like to think that i help her quite a lot with this by allowing her to know that she can vent to me whenever she needs to, and i know she is really grateful for it! But recently, she’s been really overreacting about a bunch of stuff (obviously i know her mental health would play a huge part in this, but i still feel like i have the right to feel annoyed about some things) for example, another friend in our group (we’ll call her S) the two do not particularly like each other, but they usually just stay out of each others way, but even if S comes with us to a meal out or something A will point blank refuse to have anything to do with her, sometimes she will even decide she’s not coming if S is there. this is very similar to another of our friends but i won’t get into that. like, you’re an adult for goodness sakes, just deal with it!

More recently, the idea of going on a group holiday was going round, but nothing was really happening. so my friend, we’ll call her F, decided to get the ball rolling and see who wanted to go along. about 5 of us showed interest (including A) so we tried to find some dates that everyone could do. i do a lot of dancing, so my window was fairly limited, however F did all she could to try and include me, because i was unable to go to the other holidays they’ve been to.

it just so happens that the only week F and i can do is the ONLY week A CANT do, so of course she thinks it’s all our fault and that we are completely excluding her. A even went to lengths to try to convince me to tell F she was not allowed to go, even though F organised nearly everything!

and now it feels like she’s guilting me into feeling as though this is all my fault and that now she is ‘really sad’ about it, and that because we’ve ‘excluded’ her, her mental health is really low and she feels as though she has no friends and everyone has a vendetta against her.

i have no idea what to do about her because she is undoubtably my best friend and i absolutely adore her to pieces, but when she does things like this, i feel like i can’t say anything honest without me feeling awful about it! Multiple times i’ll make it clear to her that i’m in a really low mood, which means sometimes i just don’t feel like i have enough energy to talk to her, but she’ll message me and she she’s feeling really depressed and despite me feeling so low, i will try to comfort her. I feel like a shit friend when she says things like that and i just don’t have the energy to make her feel better, when i already feel awful!

if anyone could give me advice i’d really appreciate it!!