Feeling Down

Lately I haven’t been feeling myself. I’ve been eating junk food, my skin is breaking out, I’ve gained so much (plus the extra 20 lbs from freshman year) and I haven’t had time for a “me day”. Mentally I’m shutting down. I can’t think straight, concentrate and I’m always distracted. Here’s why.. this summer I came home from school to take care of my dad due to his surgery. I had no problem doing it I love my dad and we are close. The only thing is, he can be very rude. He’s controlling, demanding, has no respect for me sometimes, loud, and humiliated me many times. When I tell you I have been here for this man during this whole process, I have been one of his caretakers and those on the medical field know everyone isn’t a caregiver. And I know he was in pain and doesn’t mean it sometimes but he was like this before his surgery too. My mother has been right by his side too and I just feel like I’m never good enough for them. She looks down on me sometimes and is very judgmental. I put my summer aside to help, cook, clean, cut the grass, trip hedges, take the trash to the dump, run errands and literally every time they called I was right there. But for some reason when I want to go out and do things, it’s a problem. They are BLOWING my phone up, asking other people to call me and locate me and then once I come back home it could be daylight they are pissed. Mind you I told them days ahead and the day of where I’ll be and things like that. I’m 19 btw and another thing I’m working a great job the pay is decent but I have to pay for my textbooks and things I need to go back to school with. Now my dad is forcing me to pay for his anniversary dinner. Key word is force he didn’t ask. He said he’s not working and I should pay and blah but he just bough a grill for $100... does this seem toxic to anyone? I have no one to talk to so I know my glow sisters would help. I can’t talk to my bf because we are not on good terms either. He’s coming home this week and my anxiety is through the roof. I’ve changed so much since he’s been here. I’m so much bigger than last time he saw me. We have been arguing and barely talking and it hurts because I don’t want to loose him but why should I settle for less when I know he can do better. All of this has been stressful and depressing and I don’t know how to control the thoughts I’ve been having..