Sorry if you've read my posts before. But shit got worse. Ish. I'll try my best but I really doubt it will be in order. But you'll get the point.

We have been together for three years, married two, have three beautiful boys together. Everything was awesome the past two years.. well as awesome as marriage can get anyway. Of course we had our ups and downs. But lately it's been non stop downs.

We used to live with his parents who bullied us, mostly me for two years. Non stop. Me and my three boys and two step sons lived in two bedrooms and that was it. We had our money troubles, like he would spend all he liked, and not paid bills. When it came to paying bills he asked everyone, and anyone for money and lied to me about it. During the two years of living there i get bullied, put down, called a bad mom and how CPS needs to come take my kids and my husband never stood up for me. But if my parents would belittle him in anyway I'd stop it because that's not respectful and that's not how to treat my husband.

Then we had baby mama issues where she would walk all over him, and he would do whatever she wanted. Were still in the same boat, nothing will change there.

Recently we got our own apartment, he told me it will be tight but we will make our bills. Were on month three and been late for every. Single. Bill. So I've asked him nicely many times to get a side job, or get a new job (during this time I've sold baby clothes my children don't fit into anymore, so I'm trying my best to also bring in money, anything would be great for us) he refuses. He said he's looked for a job for two days and gave up.

A month ago I was in jail for coming over here longer then I was allowed to stay. I did 21 days. 21 days to stay in the United States to keep my family together (I'm from Canada, Ontario. Were in Michigan, right across the water. 15 minute drive and I can see Canada) I asked him to finish my visa, use the money we had set aside so it's done before I even get out, it'll look great. Was not done for me. He said he did it though.

I've missed out on my bestfriend and papas celebration of life, I've missed graduations, births, 3 Christmases when he tells me every year we will go next year when you're green card is valid. Nope. My heart hurts so bad, but I can't leave him give him 50/50 and have my boys raised by babysitters while he's at work. I've seen the places he's taken my step sons before I stepped up and took them on full time (I watch them also on her weeks) and I refuse to let my children go through that. In my head I'll be sad for a little while but I'll be happy again. I don't have the strength to leave, I have nothing to my name. I'm so lost and confused.