I'm sorry for the long post but I need to put my feelings somewhere they are tearing me apart but to begin my name is Dallas I am 25 years old and a mother to 2 beautiful children and 1 baking due Feb. 2020.. on May 29th I lost my best friend in the entire world (my mother) and then a few weeks after her funeral my fiance and I found out we are pregnant.. and the first thing I wanted to do when that test came back positive was call my mommy and tell her she has another grandbaby on the way but instead I laid in the bathroom and bawled my eyes out then I got a phone call from my aunt and she asked how I was doing and of course I broke down and bawled on the phone and told her I was pregnant and I wanted to tell her and my aunt said that the baby is a gift from my mom because she knew i was hurting and i needed something to brighten up this hurting time.... but it hurts still because my mom is and always will be my best friend and she was the one there for me when no one else was... my 2 beautiful babies arent my fiance's kids but he treats them like they are and we are going through the adoption process but during my first pregnancy with my daughter my mother was always there for everything.. all the appointments I would go see her and tell her everything and then I got pregnant with my little man and tht was the time it was the worst for her because her cancer came back and she was always in pain we was so scared she wouldnt make it to when he was delivered.. on the day I went into labor my mom ended up admitted to the hospital and she was in really bad shape well I pushed my son out and got stitched up and got cleaned up and I spent time with my baby boy them my dad came to visit me and told me my mother was admitted and is right down the hall from where I am and told me to go see her when I got the chance well of course I was really sore but I asked the nurse to take my little guy and at that time they gave him a bath and I went to go see my mom.. she was so happy to see me and happy that everything went so well I showed her the pictures of my son and she started crying, she asked for her notebook bc she cant speak she had throat cancer my senior year in high school and she has a Trach.. she wrote down that he was chunky for being so tiny and she was proud of me and she couldnt wait to meet him... well it was 2 weeks till my mom got to come home and then after that she was readmitted 2 days after she came home because she was in so much pain... on valentines day she finally came home but that was the day my heart fell to the floor... that day I found out my mom only has 6 months to live... 6 months from February would be August and my birthday is August so it killed me even more so every weekend after I found out I spend hours and hours with her well its may already and on the 4th we went over to visit her bc she was hurting so much more well that night we left and was heading home when a woman came on our side of the road and changed our lives.. I ended up in the hospital for 5 days due to a shattered him well I came home the weekend of mothers day and no matter how much pain I was in i went to visit my mother and give her her mothers day gift and she was a little mad a me bc she told me to stay home bc she hated seeing me in pain but i wasnt missing her last mothers day ever here and she started crying with me..she had notes for me ready and it was a very long one telling me she was so sorry and that she is proud if the woman I have become and she was sorry not being there for my graduation due to cancer and tht she wont be able to make it to the wedding and I kinda figured she wouldnt because of all the pain and with her only having 6 months... I tried so hard not to cry in front of her so I waited till I got into the car and we left and I bawled my eyes out... then fast forward to the 29th I woke up and just had a feeling tht something was going to wrong and I called to see how my mom was doing and my sister answered and said she couldnt stay on the phone because they was waiting on my moms nurse to call and she told me that something was wrong with my mom and I panicked so much and at 6:30 PM my sister texted me and said she was sorry she couldnt talk at the moment but she told me my mom passed away and I was on the porch with my fiance because I didnt want to have my daughter see her mommy cry and when I got that text message I screamed at the top of my lungs and bawled my eyes out... everyone knows the phrase daddies girl but mommy's world well tht was me to a tee.. I was always spoiled when it came to my parents I am the baby of the family... my mom has always been there for me when I needed her and it was always something special to me to share my pregnancy experience with her and now I am pregnant with my 3rd child and the one person I want to talk to isnt here and I'm so torn apart because she has always been here and my first ultrasound is next Friday and she is always the first person to see them and she always tries to guess what it will be and for the past 2 pregnancies she has been right and now I feel like I'm alone in all of this even tho my fiance will be there with me through it all.. I have talked to him about how I'm feeling and he understand because he knows the relationship I had with my mom and he knows I'm very happy I get to have a man that loves me and our kids and is excited to be apart of this journey that I'm used to being alone on bc my other 2 kids their dad told me to abort and leave them alone... so to actually have the family I always dreamed of is the best that has ever happened to me but this is something I have always shared with my mom and she was always there when no one else was and he knows that I want her to be a part of this and its tearing me up that she isnt here and it upsets him to see me like this and he wishes he could bring her back.... the day I buried my best friend I sat there till everyone left and I bawled my eyes out and I told her I missed her so much and I wish she would come home but I told her I know she is happy and out of pain and that is what matters to me so I sat there and sang dancing in the sky by Danny and lizzie if u havent heard it listen to it it's a great song... my mothers favorite thing was to listen to me sing and it relaxed her and made her happy... but I'm so sorry for such a long post but I needed to put my feelings somewhere I hope you have made it to the end and I thank you so much for reading