Need unbiased opinions on my breakup..

Gracie

Long story ahead, but I really need unbiased opinions on this situation and what I should do!

My boyfriend and I have been dating for nearly two years. Best of friends, did everything together, spent tons of time with family, you know. He was almost too perfect for me and I was convinced that he was definitely the one. After a year and a half of bliss, he betrayed my trust by communicating with an ex and not telling me about it. I had finally overcome my trust issues with my ex and I felt like my walls were immediately put back up again. After talking it out and telling he was remorseful, I forgave him, but things just weren’t the same after that. He did everything he could to make up for it but I found myself getting worried about everything he did involving another female. I would make comments or bring up irrelevant things and later on think “now why did i say that? I just started a fight over literally nothing”.

He came over last week and we spent the day together with family, went to dinner, got ice cream, and we were watching YouTube videos when he stopped and turned to me and asked if I thought we were in a good place anymore. He starts crying and tells me he feels like I’m the one still, but things just haven’t been the same between us and he felt like between work, college baseball, and family issues that he couldn’t make me as happy as he used to. No matter how many times I said he didn’t have to worry he replied “but I can’t help it, I always worry about you”. He kept hugging me and telling me he loved me and kissed me before he left. I told him to take his clothes but he told me to keep them (I didn’t want to, looking at them would just make me upset). I didn’t feel like I got the closure I needed. I don’t even really feel like it’s over between us, but he may not feel that way.

He’s on vacation for all of this week (I was supposed to go with them until now) and i’m driving myself crazy. Is he thinking about me? Does he miss me? Is he already texting other girls? After talking to my friends a lot of them believe that he’s gonna come back to me sooner or later. Others believe I was toxic by making those petty comments and constantly asking if everything was ok between us. All i know is that I already miss him like crazy and I have no patience. I believe that God has a plan, but do I need to make an apology to my ex? Do I need to wait for him to come back? I’m doing the 30 day no contact rule so I can give him the space that he asked for and work on my trust issues, but it’s absolutely killing me. We were so in love and so goofy and best friends that my heart feels like it can’t be over, but I could be delusional. I need some opinions on the situation and similar situation advice!! Thanks!!