Right now I am nothing more than a ball of emotions. I’m happy for you for deciding that you have priorities and goals and that you have the ambition and drive to accomplish what you need to but I’m also absolutely heart broken that I unfortunately didn’t make the cut. I know you keep telling me you care about me and you want me here but the love that I desperately need right now isn’t there. You’re my person and the closest I’ve felt to having a family, even if it stays a family of two forever. I never want to lose you. You feel like home to me. You’ve made me a better person in ways you may never understand. You’ve given me someone to take pride in and someone to hold close. You’ve given me a shoulder to cry on and a roof over my head. You’ve support me both physically and mentally and you’ve given more than I deserve. You’re the definition of a perfect man and any girl would be lucky to have you. I would be lucky to keep you. If I’m being completely honest, I’m feeling very angry and broken and useless. I’m very hurt and heart broken. I’m typing this with tears streaming down my cheeks as you sleep peacefully across from me. I’m sorry I’m taking this so hard. You always told me I’m too fragile and too emotional. The only thing I want to do right now more than take a long walk off a short bridge is to curl up in your arms and cry until I physically can’t anymore. I keep thinking about our “last kiss” and how it was quick and forced. I hate that I secretly knew something was wrong but I let my guard down anyways because I didn’t believe it would happen. Yet here we are. I’m sorry. I should’ve taken the hints because now that I think about it, you’ve been dropping them a lot lately. I need a hug and for you to hold my hand and tell me I’ll be okay and it’ll be alright and all that bullshit that people tell you when it’s obviously not okay. I hate that I’m sitting here looking around and memories of things are flooding my mind like the time we hung up certain paintings and the time I first showed you the pictures I printed out of you and you were telling me about how good you look. I looked through my entire phone trying to find pictures to change my lock screen and home screen to but all I saw was you and your smile and your brown eyes that I could stare into for an eternity. I can’t breathe again. Are you sure you want me here? I wish this was all some awful joke. I wish I was dreaming. I wish I kept my damn mouth shut. I wish you still loved me. I’m depressed. I have been for a few weeks honestly. I felt something change. You changed. Your mood changed. Your feelings changed. I want nothing more right now than to change. To be someone you want and need. Someone you can’t live without. You don’t benefit from me being in your life. You said so yourself. That hurt like a bitch. This whole night hurt like a bitch. You’re still sleeping peacefully. The way you’re sleeping now was always the best nights for me to snuggle with you and lay my head on your chest so I could fall asleep to the sound of your heart beat. I could use that right now. Venting in this message has helped a little. I’m sorry you felt I was holding you back from your future. That being in a relationship was not a benefit to you at all. I didn’t think I was a con until tonight. I tried hard to be your support system and your number one cheerleader. I’m sorry if I pushed you too much. I’m sorry if I messed up somehow. I’m sorry. That’s all. I’m just sorry.