After almost 4 years of intense love followed by intense bullshit , I'm pretty sure it's over . I cant take the lies . I cant take you making me feel small and unwanted . I cant take knowing I'm the reasons your days suck . I'm tired of you staring at anything with a vagina besides me . I cant keep throwing myself out there sending sexy pics , wearing sexy clothes , trying to kiss you just to get nothing . I cant feel like I'm in competition with other women . I cant feel unequal to you . I cant having you make me feel like a bad mother . I cant keep waiting for the time I piss you off again and you get so angry you hit me or choke me . I cant wait for the next time you decide were not having sex enough so you cheat on me instead of trying to sleep with me . Two months after I had our child . I cant do this anymore .

But jesus . How do i not do it. How do i let you go . The person I've loved more than myself for years now . How do i tell the kids its over. How do i sleep alone at night . How do I live knowing your with someone else . How do i pick myself back up . How to i love myself again .

I love you , but I need to love me.

I just dont know how .