Goodbye to my first love?

For the past two years I have been in a non committed relationship with this guy, “Hector”. He was my favorite person in the world and my favorite person to be around. It never got serious though, we both didn’t want a relationship. That doesn’t mean I didn’t care about him though, I mean he was my favorite person, committed or not. Throughout the relationship it was known that Hector would be leaving to LA after high school.

Hector is ambitious, which is the trait I admire most about him. I supported him through it all, I even helped him plan his move and help him stay practical.

Hector left to LA 3 weeks ago. We talked a lot the first week but I knew communication would be limited with his living situation and work. So for 2 weeks we didn’t really talk to one another. And I was really on my hot girl shit. I was talking to other guys, going to the beach and drinking, a lot lol. Anyways, I didn’t really focus on him in the two weeks but then he called me.

I didn’t realize how much I would miss him now. It all hit me like the waves. What am I going to do now without my favorite person? Am I going to be lonely again? I miss his smile, his dumb jokes, his presence. I want him here, holding me. He’s telling me how amazing LA is, he’s hanging out with people he used to idolize and already doing work. Good for him, honestly happy because he deserves it. I wish we ended on bad terms but I guess I’ll settle for being the supportive friend.

I miss him a lot right now. Our most intimate memories are flooding my brain. I feel sad to say goodbye to my first affair but I’m excited to experience the next one. I still pray for him everyday.