Struggling with mixed emotions / breastfeeding, 3 weeks postpartum, feel like a bad mum

Hi ladies,

I am needing to vent and let my emotions out as I don’t have anyone other than my husband to talk to.

I had my baby 3 weeks ago and I love her with all my heart.

Breast feeding was something I wanted to do but we had a few issues with tongue tie which got corrected and then latching issues as she has a petite mouth and throughout the process of breastfeeding I felt guilty that I wasn’t giving enough milk to my baby as she is a more hungrier baby but lactation consultant came and observed and said latching is great and I am supplying plenty of milk, I just have to ride it out and as baby grows breastfeeding will get easier. My nipples are healing from the damage caused by bad latches.

I continue to pump milk and breastfeed baby . my husband will give her a bottle of expressed milk so I can sleep for a bit and rest up so I can breastfeed throughout the night.

My emotions have been all over the place where I wanted to give up bf due to the pain, but I have now come this far feel like I need to see it through for my baby. I have a lot of guilt emotions as i do not enjoy the experience of bf as I associate it with the pain from bad latches, i feel like a bad mother and inadequate that my husband has to give my expressed milk to baby so I can rest. My husband has been supportive and reassured me I’m doing great. I have moments where I cry and during the evening when my toddler goes to bed is when I start to feel low and will cry 😭 and feel irritable this is where husband now takes over and feeds baby while I rest with my toddler. I miss bonding with my toddler putting her to bed playing with her 😞 I feel guilty I don’t spend time with her, as baby is on and off my breast all day therefore spend the day with my baby. I have feeling of dread when my baby starts to wake up as I dread bf however once she is latches on I am fine.

My husband said he remains positive and strong for me I’m lucky to have him but feel guilty for not being able to toughen up and deal with my emotions myself without stressing my husband and family. I’m hoping the breastfeeding will settle in the next few weeks and emotions settle too. I hope to enjoy my baby in the weeks to come.

If anyone has had similar experience I would appreciate how you dealt with it and ways of coping when you do feel really low and just want to sit and cry.

Thank you in advance Ladies ☺️ sorry for the long rant.