Brace yourself. This is kind of long. This happened when I was in highschool, I'm currently 29, this happened when I was 16. I never mentioned this to anyone before this because I always thought my experience wasn't worth talking about since I wasn't actually raped but as I grew older I realized how much it actually damged me.

I knew this guy for awhile. We went to the same school from elementary to high school, we were never friends but knew of eachother. I had him for my biology class freshman year and he sat right next to me. He was cool at first and we mostly joked around and talked during class. I had a boyfriend at the time and he would ask me about that but once we broke up I noticed this guy changed towards me. He began to mention how I looked that day in my outfit or make a cheeky comment. We didn't have desks, we had tables and the chairs we sat in were really close. One day I wore a skirt and he ran his hand up and down my thigh. It made me uncomfortable but I laughed it off. He started doing this more often. He would place his hand on my leg and try try to squeeze his hand inbetween my two thighs. I would grab his hand and remove it off of me. I was starting to become annoyed and was upset because I thought he was my friend. One day I was outside after school and he came up to me. We were talking normally and all of a sudden he begins to kiss me. I kissed him back and that's all that happened, but I blame myself for kissing him. He stopped going to biology class, he started skipping class. I felt relieved. One day I was in math class and asked to use the restroom. As I was walking towards the restroom he was also walking down the hall. I tried to turn back around to walk back to class before he saw me but it was too late. He came up to me and asked if I wanted to walk with him, I told him I had class. I went into the restroom, taking my time hoping he'd leave and he waited till I got out. He was taller and bigger than me. He started pushing me towards the doors that led outside. I tried walking away but he was stronger than I was. We made it to the parking lot and inbetween cars, he didn't hesitate. He pushed me up against a car and started kissing me all over. I froze. He began to touch me all over. I was so scared. I was a virgin and had never been with anyone. He then slid gis hand down and unbuttoned my jeans. I grabbed his hand trying to stop him. He pushed my hand away and stuck his hand down my pants and inside my panties. I didn't know what to do. I felt like crying. I kept hoping someone would find us. He began to touch me. I finally found enough strength and pushed him off of me. I went back into the building and back into class. Everyone was staring at me. My face felt red from embarrassment. My best friend who sat next to me asked me where I've been. I had been gone for awhile. My hair was a tangled mess and my clothes were obviously messed with. He smiled at me knowing I must've been with a guy. I laughed and smiled back. I would've rather he thought I willingly skipped class to mess around than to tell him the truth. Rumors started going around about me. I gained a bad reputation. I had supposedly slept with half the guys in sports in the baseball field dug out. Mind you I'm still a virgin. I had people coming up to me asking me if the rumors were true. I had guys who had never spoke to me, including a very popular boy, inviting me to parties. I didn't know how to stop it. I had guys asking me to sleep with them because apparently I was that easy. This guy told everyone in the locker room I had slept with him and that's how the rumors began. I went along with the rumors because I would had rather people think I was a slut then know I was assaulted. I was so ashamed I let that happen to myself. If I missed a class a teacher would assume I was with a guy. It got that bad, I'm not even kidding. This incident and rumor ruined me. This guy would humiliate me by walking up to me when I was surrounded by people and hand me a condom, telling me it was for later. He would scream my name out in thr hallways and say "after school" in the middle of a croweded hallway. After that I was afraid to be around guys. I couldn't bring myself to be intimate in anyway with a boyfriend and I couldn't even tell them why. I was scared of being alone with guys. A boyfriend would touch me a certain way and I began to panic, thinking if he wanted something he'll just take it. I didn't realize how much this incident had fucked me up until I was older. This guy has made me forever afraid of being alone with a male. As of now I'm engaged and my s.o knows of some of this. I told him I was harassed by a clasmate but never told him the whole story, because till this very day I'm still ashamed and embarrassed. I know now why females take so long to finally speak up about assault or rape. We feel dirty and shameful. We blame ourselves and it's not our fault. Every sexual assault story whether small or big is important, I've learned. It's important to tell someone. I kept it in for so long. I buried it so deep inside I almost forgot about it myself..but maybe me sharing my story will help someone. Know you're not alone. This happens to way too many females and it needs to stop.