Things You Shouldn’t Say To a Pregnant Woman:

1. “Are you having your baby naturally?” What does this even mean? With/without drugs? C-section/vaginally? Out in the forest squatting by a tree? I’ll birth the baby the way I’m advised by medical personnel when the time comes. Also, get a filter.

2. (After telling someone you’re pregnant)... “I was thinking you were looking bigger but I didn’t want to say anything” Maybe you still shouldn’t have said anything considering I am only 12 weeks, with barely a bump, and you think I look bigger? Thanks for your honesty, fuck face .

3. “You must be having a girl.” Enter old wives’ tale insinuation (you’re big beyond the bump) How about, keep your obsolete detective work to yourself unless asked?

4. (From random people).... “will you breastfeed?” I don’t think you qualify for knowing the answer to this.

5. And the WORST ever:

“I can see it in your face.” Oh really? Fucking awesome! The one part of my body that can’t hide behind the clever outfitting of smart maternity wear. The ONE ☝️ sacred feature that is my own- Thank you so much for cursing me and the rest of my pregnancy with a complex, ASSHOLE!!!!