I keep seeing so many posts about 2nd baby or 3rd baby announcements

4th baby

5th baby

6th baby

And so on

And “I’m only 3/4 months postpartum and I’m pregnant again!!!!!”

And I’m sitting here going through a 4th miscarriage

No children

And as happy as I am for other people

I can feel those shitty

“Wow so everyone out here can have a baby except me?” Thoughts creeping into my head

It’s more a reflection of how mad I am at my own body

Not that I’m unhappy for anyone else

To be clear

I would never be less than happy for someone else to get blessed with however many babies they have

But

Like WHY GOD

Where’s my baby?!

I just want one!!!! Though I’ve prayed and wished and hoped to have 3 children

I would give anything for just one baby! One child! I would happily deal with every shitty symptom no matter how horrible

Just to be able to bring one life into this world

And to be a mother

I don’t want to be this person

Mad at my own body

I just want to be a mom :(