When you and your partner decide to start trying to conceive, it’s the best feeling in the world. After years of trying to prevent, being able to finally have sex without any protection or worry makes you feel so.....free.

Being so naive to your cycle and ovulation process, you think, “okay I’ll just follow this app and have sex when it’s telling me I’m fertile and I’ll get pregnant.”

Month 1 goes by, having sex on all the “right” days, you start taking pregnancy tests way too early, they’re negative, but maybe there’s still a chance. Finally, AF shows up. Not pregnant. But that’s ok, it’s only the first month. Not many people get pregnant on the first try, right? So you keep trying and keep having fun.

Month 2 goes by, and you think “okay it has to work this time, right?” You’ve decided to start taking ovulation tests that all these other women swear by. You finally get a positive and rush into the bedroom thinking “this is my month!” And then again, you start taking pregnancy tests way too early, squinting and praying to see the slightest line but there’s nothing there. And finally, AF shows up again. On to month 3.....

Replay of last cycle, got your positive ovulation test again which gives you hope. BD’ing as much as possible. This time, you feel the tiniest cramp and think, “omg I must be pregnant.” Now you’re on the hunt for any kind of sign that could mean pregnancy, google is your new best friend. You start to feel nauseous, your one boob feels kind of sore, so that must mean something. You take a pregnancy test with so much excitement expecting to see those two pink lines and.....there’s only one. Heartbroken.

Now you’re starting to think, is something wrong with me? Why am I not pregnant yet? You start questioning everything.....is it me? Is it my partner? Am I actually even ovulating? Do I have bad eggs?

Month 4 goes by, and then month 5, 6, 7, 8, 9.....

The whole process becomes physically, mentally and emotionally exhausting. Sex isn’t fun anymore. It’s a chore. You don’t have sex when you want to, you have sex when you tell your partner, “I’m ovulating, we need to have sex.” So not romantic.

You spend so much money on ovulation tests, pregnancy tests, fertility friendly lube, vitamins, pills, tea, anything you’ve read about that has helped other people, you’ve bought it. So much that you probably could have refurbished an entire room in your house with all that money. It feels like a waste.

All your friends are pregnant and having babies. All your relatives ask you, “when are you guys having a baby?!” You die a little inside every time you hear that question and you want to say that it’s none of their f*cking business but you smile and say, “Oh we’re working on it.” And then there’s the next dreaded statement, “Just relax, stop trying and it’ll happen”, and then you would love nothing more than to just punch them square in the face.

At this point, you just feel empty inside (no pun intended). Your life doesn’t feel complete. All you want is a little baby of your own to hold and to love and to cherish.

And you just wonder, will that time ever come.....