I’ll try to make this as short as possible.

Backstory: I lost my grandpa to suicide when I was 8. Lost my grandma to cancer when I was 16. Lost my mom to sepsis (it was sudden and I didn’t get to say goodbye) in April of this year.

Last night I had a dream my mom was working in a hospital ( she was an RN) and my grandma was in the ER, coding. My mom was freaking out and calling all the doctors to rush in and try to save her, but unfortunately she passed.

My mom, brothers, my husband and I all ended up at my grandparents house (see sold it 14 years ago after grandma died) but in the dream we were having a memorial for my grandma and going through things we wanted to keep. Suddenly, my grandma walks through the door. She doesn’t say anything much. Mumbling something about how she didn’t want her cookies hot out of the oven (my mom made cookies for everyone) She then proceeded to walk out onto the back porch balcony and stand in the lightning storm. We were yelling at her to come back in, but we also knew she was already dead. She came back in and literally vanished.

This dream fucked me up because it’s the first time I got to see my mom and grandma together in 14 years. I hadn’t seen my mom since march, either. My brothers were also there and they both live out of state so I never see them either. I miss my family. I have no father. All I have is my husband and kids. I feel so broken already. I wish I could hug my mom and grandma one more time.

I woke up crying like a baby. That really fucked me up.

Here’s my mom and kids: