Realization today -VERY personal post-

For some weird reason I have been having horrible flashbacks of my parents beating me as a child/teen. They come up randomly....at work, when I’m driving, etc. I am 24 years old at the moment.

I was a VERY good kid. I mean, I can’t even remember being grounded once in my life. But I remember the very severe beatings I got when I was younger. And honestly it was things for like putting a dish back wrong, or ringing the door bell incorrectly (I got a black eye for that). Or not giving an answer to my parents that was good enough.

I still live at home with my parents (I’m in grad school) now and my relationship is okay with them. I’ve never fully become close with my father because he did most of the beatings and he blames us not being close on me(of course). But my relationship is okay. I don’t really tell them much because they are over the top and judge mental but ive always kept to myself even as a teen so it’s fine with me.

But now, in my 20s I’m realizing just how much these memories are effecting me. I am against hitting your kids and take it from me, I have never felt close to my parents again after they continued to beat me for the smallest things. And I mean smallest. Like I said I never even gotten grounded, or snuck out or anything. But what I’m realizing now is that I really have been living to please them my whole life. I went to college, I’m in grad school, I’ve taken jobs that they’ve wanted me to take, I’ve stayed home longer because that’s what they want and while I’m happy with my life I just feel like I’ve just lived to please them. And it’s just annoying.

Take it from me, beating your kids is not okay. It will make your children fear you. And when you come home after a long day, they WILL feel anxious. I always always always always felt anxious when my parents came home from work because I never knew what I was going to get. It’s just not a good idea to hit children or teens. Speak to them. Listen to them. And respect them. In my opinion I feel like hitting your child is a release FOR YOU. And it’s the lazy way out. It’s the selfish way out to get a release and then you become addicted to it.