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It is so hard not to break down and cry every month. We have been trying for 11 months and my body just isn't doing what it was made for. For the first 9 months I wasn't ovulating, but my Dr got me on clomid to help out.

The one thing I have always wanted was to have children of my own and raise them with the man who has changed my life for the better. All he wants is to be a SAHD, spent everyday bonding and making memories just like his father before he passed.

I love this man with all my heart and he tries to make me feel happy and hopeful everyday. But I just want to cry sometimes, I feel like I am failing us and the life we always wanted. I feel like we are letting down our parents as we are their only hope at genetic grandchildren (his brother is gay and my sister has cancer and chose not to save any eggs). I feel like he deserves someone who can make all his dreams come true because he is the most wonderful, caring and honest man I have ever met.

How do you keep trying and being let down every month without losing it? How do you stay focused at work knowing you are failing at the one thing you want the most? How do you keep your head up knowing you are letting him down? How do you sleep at night and get the negative pregnancy tests out of your thoughts?