So I am going to write this anonymously. Only person who knows is my S/O and Doctor. My S/O and I were “not” trying for a baby. We’re a little careless with pulling out (lol) so we knew the consequence and both agreed that whatever happens, happens.

I got pregnant- great news! We were both so excited. He has two children already from a previous marriage. This would’ve been my first. We may have gone a little overboard and started picking out names, what we hope it to be, what we think it’ll like, who it’ll take after. Ya know the basics.

I work for Law Enforcement as does he (different departments.) After my shift, I had a weird lower stomach pain. I went to the bathroom, and I was covered in blood. I then miscarried our child. I went home to him that night, he made me our favorite snack and put our show on while I showered. At this point he still doesn’t know.

He puts his head on my stomach and “talks” to the baby. I immediately started crying and told him what had happened. A grown ass man, and I’ve NEVER seen him cry like that before. Honestly, I’m still so upset and it’s been a week. I can’t help but think what if? What would the baby have been? It was still early and I haven’t made my first ultra sound appt yet.

When does this grief go away? I feel so lost and can’t focus at work. Obviously being in law enforcement there’s really no “mental health days” . I don’t know what to do 😢