Struggling

I bought a curling iron a couple of weeks ago and after many failed attempts I’ve about given up.

I ended up in tears tonight trying to watch YouTube tutorials. It probably sounds stupid to some but I’ll tell you why..

I posted anonymously about leaving my husband a few weeks ago. I got so much love and support from you ladies. I am making my way in the world and I’m mostly doing it alone but it is happening and I am so proud of myself.

But tonight I came to terms with just how much I had let the true me go. I used to fix my hair and makeup almost every day. Curling my hair was routine.

But tonight I feel like a child trying to figure out how to write for the first time. I can’t get the iron or my hair to cooperate and I just crumble because I want to feel beautiful again. I let him take that away from me for so long that I forgot how to fix my hair, I forgot how to do my eyeliner so it looks the same on both sides. I gained over 100 pounds in a little over 4 years. Im not happy with my outside and I feel like that’s an important part of picking myself back up and moving on. I think maybe I just needed to vent, maybe next week I’ll pick up the iron and try again.