UPDATE 8/9/19: we broke up!

So I’m having a really complicated relationship issue & I need real feedback. It’s making me sick.

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 3 years. I’m 21, he’s 22. We had a rocky start but we’ve been really good ever since. We are long distance, but we were supposed to close the distance this December when I’m finally done with school and he is done with military training.

He is at basic right now & we are only able to communicate through letters. He gave me his login info for his bank and email so I can make sure his bills are being paid on time. Well, I had to go into the email to get a login code because I was using a new device. I ended up clicking on a conversation between him and a coworker. The coworker was SO inappropriate with him last year, so I guess I checked to make sure she wasn’t still being that way. It was wrong of me, I know. He supposedly talked to her and told her to stop flirting over a year ago.

Well, in the conversation I found him calling her “sexy bear” and her telling him to talk dirty to her. Most of their conversation was innocent, but just a little bit was like this. He sounded so flirtatious and it killed me inside. I’ve felt sick to my stomach since :’(

The thing is, I haven’t felt so great about our relationship for a while. I live in NYC and I have my dream internship in television. He wants me to drop it all and move back to Florida to be with him “temporarily” until we can get sorted out. However, I feel like he’s trying to trap me. He tries to convince me to come off of birth control and he talks about marriage all the time. I’m 21, I’m nowhere near ready for that.

Anyways, this is really long. If you’ve made it this far, thank you.

I don’t really know what to do! I can’t communicate this right now. He’s at basic training and having a really hard time. However, I don’t know if I should be with him anymore. If you caught your boyfriend talking to someone else like this what would you do? He’s never cheated, but I don’t trust him anymore. OH also I think I’m primary attracted to women, so that’s another huge issue. I don’t know what to do :’(