Me and my first love (first everything) broke up in May. Our relationship had toxic qualities: I was on birth control which made me depressed, he cheated, and lied, controlling, we argued etc. We almost were at our one year, but when we broke up we tried to fix it... by taking baby steps. Eventually he told me he didn’t feel the same and started talking to another girl immediately. It hurt me so bad that I didn’t eat.. sleep and I felt myself going crazy (maybe those are actual effects of heartbreak). I fell in love with words.. his actions never followed. In our relationship I fell out with friends because I was always with him. I felt so alone and hurt. Everyone said he never deserved me because he burned all of our photos and posted them. I only had my mom to cry to and I was so angry at how I was manipulated so many times.. lied to and ignored red flags and i started stalking him and his “girl”.. I tried to tell him that I truly loved him and how it hurts how he left me and moved on so quickly.. and he blocked me on everything and called me a pyscho.

Update: I went through this “I deserve better” phase. But I still want to be friends. I feel deserted.

Update update: I’m fighting to let go. I feel so alone that I miss his affection. Not him. I never had someone truly love me.. and I pushed all of my friends away for him so it’s been a lonely journey