Don’t Stress. Easier Said than done!

I’m loosing my freaking mind over here! I’m not supposed to be stressing bc we’re trying to have a baby, but that’s all I’ve been doing! So here I am to vent. Meh....

My husband and I are both prior military. Been married for 10 years. He has 2 kids from a prior marriage. We have never been able to get pregnant. We have tried, we have “stopped” trying. It didn’t happen.

So I told my VA doctor about a year ago that i wanted to see somebody to talk about other options. They gave us community care and we saw a doctor. My husband now has low count/motility. The doc told us that the referral covered everything, even IVF, but that she wanted us to try the less invasive route first. We did 5 IUI’s, and none of them took. The doctor said that we’re in the “unexplained infertility” group. She recommended we do IVF since the IUI’s didn’t take. I told them I needed a break. My mental health was not doing too well.

When I was young I took so much care of myself so that I wouldn’t have an unplanned pregnancy, and then when I decide I’m ready, something’s wrong. I was really depressed to be honest. So I took a break.

A couple months go by, and I call the doctor to tell her ok I’m ready, let’s do the IVF. I go in for labs and they give me a prescription for birth control.

The next day the doctors office calls and tells me my referral has EXPIRED, and I have to get another one. Ok.

I’ve been trying for two weeks to get this referral and the VA doctors can’t seem to get it right! The GYN doctor told me that maybe we should stop trying bc a lot of ppl get pregnant when they stop trying! I’m so sick of ppl telling me to stop trying. We’ve already done that, and I did not get pregnant.

I have an “IVF start date” appointment on Thursday, but i think I’ll have to cancel it if the VA can’t get the referral submitted properly tomorrow.

On top of all this stress trying to get the referral for me, my husband also needs a referral.

Then my dog that I’ve had for 10 years and is my emotional support buddy thats been there through my deployments and ups and downs is really sick and I have a feeling I will have to make the very hard and emotional decision of putting him to rest soon.

I just need some light in my life.

I’m thankful that I have a very supportive husband and family, but I just feel like I’m sinking into a dark hole. I’m trying my best to stay positive, but it seems like everything is going wrong.

Don’t stress they tell me. Easier said than done.