so i don’t expect any of you to diagnose me or whatever but i’m wondering if this is worth going to the doctors about or if it’s just a normal teen thing. i have been diagnosed with social anxiety so maybe it’s due to that, or it could be something more, i’m not sure.

so i’m almost 17 and i just really can’t be bothered with life. nothing really excites me anymore. i’d rather isolate myself in my room than go out with friends even tho i know it makes me feel like crap. i don’t really have many friends left anyway bc i’ve pushed a lot of them away. i also really struggle making new friends bc i’m the most socially awkward, insecure, ugly, useless piece of crap ever. i fantasise about suicide every day; i don’t plan on acting on it any time soon but i do think of how much better it would be being dead, and i also really hope i’m dead in the future like in my twenties.

i don’t want to act like i’m the most unhappy person ever because i can still feel joy when i do hang out with my friends but it just doesn’t feel the same as it used to, it’s just not as fun anymore and in the back of my mind i can’t help but think “yeah this is alright i guess but you know what would be better? death”

i’ve just finished my first year of college (uk) and i can’t help but think it’s such a waste of time because as i said i want to be dead in the future. i don’t want a job, i don’t want a relationship, i don’t want responsibilities like getting a house and paying bills and stuff. why would i want to do any of that when i could just be dead?

i’m not going to explain every little detail because no one will probably read this anyway. but does this seem like a normal teen thing or is it something more than that? thank you x