Deciding not to breastfeed baby#2

I breastfed my first son for 20 months. I know I did a lot of good for him as he was never sick, and he’s very advanced. However, I was miserable. I was a couch potato. I was a pacifier. And I felt like it was never ending. It was non-stop. I nursed and pumped whenever my eyes were open. Looking back, I feel like I may have been depressed.

I’m due in October and I love the thought of breastfeeding my newest son, but I don’t want to go through the same thing as before. I’m scared to feed my baby formula. I feel like as soon as I have him, I’m naturally gonna want to breastfeed him and then I won’t wanna stop. I’m also worried that If I just pump, my baby will still only want me because he’ll sense my milk. I’ve considered breastfeeding for a few days and then formula feeding but I’m not sure if he will take formula at that point. As much as I want to breastfeed, I also want to know what it’s like to have my hubby feed him, my toddler, or my mom, etc. I didn’t have that when I breastfed.

I’m also concerned that my toddler isn’t going to have my attention as it is and if I breastfeed, he’s not going to have me even more. I just feel really guilty no matter which way I go and I need help looking at it from a different light.

Has anyone ever been through this? What helped you? I don’t want to feel like a bad mother when the time comes. Please help.