Almost a month ago now I posted a inspiring and empowering speech about how after everything we could have been through we finally got pregnant. After so long on meds and waiting for <a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">ivf</a> and trying for years it finally happened. That we are the impossible. And now I’m broken and it’s almost impossible for me to feel like I’ll ever get over this whole experience.

It didn’t take long for me to start feeling like something was quite right. I didn’t have the symptoms I would with my son, other than sore boobs. And yes I’m aware every pregnancy is different but I knew it wasn’t right.

I had horrible pains. My hips were being ripped to the sides and everything felt like it was just going to fall out. I went to the hospital and they said everything was fine.

It didn’t stop. I went back after a week and was kept in surgical ward overnight with high indication of ectopic. Scan the next morning was clear and a very small sac was growing in the right place.

Fast forward 2 weeks - I had another set of bloods, a scan and an appointment with gyno yesterday.

Now up until this point every person I saw and looked at all my results told me it was just early and everything looked good. I was given no indication anything was wrong. But I just knew. My hcg was rising, but very slowly. The scan yesterday showed my little baby.

Little did I know that the gyno team would go on to tell me that the baby I had seen, growing inside of me, was not growing anymore. I should be 9 weeks and my baby was gone by 6. I have spent the last 3 weeks thinking everything is fine and being completely oblivious to the fact that not only is my baby gone but my body is still trying to support growth for some reason.

So now my weekend will be spent taking medication to “clear the tissue” from my uterus. I can’t think. I can’t feel. Every time someone looks at me I want to cry.

For every single woman that has done this - I put my hands up for you. The strength and pain you must feel is so incredibly overwhelming.