For a bit of backstory, I don't think I've ever really had a healthy relationship with sex. My brother molested me when we were younger and I've known my mother and sister have sold their bodies to pay bills. I grew up knowing sex wasnt just something two people in love did together. Sex is a means to an end a lot of the time. I purposely picked a random guy to lose my virginity to when I was 14 because I didnt want to see him again and develop feelings for my first time.

Now moving forward, I have never been able to orgasm with a guy. I can masturbate just fine by myself, but no one else can get me off. I've tried sex, fingering, oral, and toys but nothing works for me if someone else is involved. So I lay there or do what i need to to get it over with. Its ruined a few relationships for me and honestly it makes me feel a bit broken. Because of this, I avoid sex. If I need to get off, I take care of myself and go on with my day.

Now there's my current boyfriend. Like most guys, he very much enjoys sex and wants to have it as much as he can. He doesnt pressure me for it, but I hate telling him no when he asks. I've tried explaining to him that sex does nothing for me and it usually put me in a poor mood from overthinking about everything that's happened before, but it doesnt mean as much to him because he didnt have to go through it. I'm not mad at him for it, but it's a sore spot for us and I dont know how else to explain it to him.